On Friday (yesterday) morning, I had a bit of an adventure, it involved the sewer. Have I got you? Are you curious? Good, I promise to fill you in, but I really need to start at the beginning.
On Tuesday, February 2nd, Chuti went back to Winnipeg for some business meetings. And on Tuesday, February 16th, two weeks later, my mom came here as family seems concerned about me being here on my own (with 4 kids). Well, it’s been an interesting two weeks on my own with the kids. This would be why my blogging has taken a backseat.
The schedule we have been following is that we do school at night, this way we generally have some light work in the morning as well as violin practice. I would make our heavy meal for lunch and take snacks and sandwiches for supper (of course, the kids would eat more when we got home). We would have tennis after lunch for 3 – 4 hours.
While I was on my own, I have also had to do all the shopping, cleaning, and laundry. These were some of the things that Chuti did, but having to do all this (with 4 kids in tow) has been character building. I even got a babysitter, so that I could workout. Another thing Chuti took care of was all RV related stuff, electrical, mechanical and the like. Well, I’ve had to poke my head into RV related stuff and I’ve been proud of how I have met the challenge.
Two adventure stick out in my character building journey. The first was on the Sunday after Chuti left. I had to change the contract on our rental van and this was supposed to be no big deal. I was to do it on the phone and called Enterprise, but as I could not get through, took the kids and went in to do it in person. Unfortunately, as our credit card had not cleared its payments yet, the previous week’s payment had not gone through for the van. The second card also had not cleared its payments (we keep a relatively low limit). They also did not take debit. The first guy I met at the Sarasota Enterprise, named Branden, was very sweet and kind. He was committed to helping me. Colleen, his co-worker, initially suggested that I take a cab home and come back the next day and try again (we expected the cards would be fine by the next day). I was committed to solving this obstacle that day, as I had 4 kids to run around with and the van was full our stuff. As soon as Colleen saw how committed I was, she got on board right away. They agreed to take cash, so I went to the one bank machine in the airport and emptied it of cash. I was $163 short of what I owed for the previous week. I felt very conspicuous walking from the bank machine to the enterprise counter with all that cash. Once I mostly cleared the account owed, they tried the credit card again for a deposit on the new account and thankfully that went through. This whole journey took over an hour. I had to call Chuti many a time to verify things. The kids were tired and so was I, but we were all thrilled that we had persevered and overcome the obstacle. This was a great moment for me, because I knew I could manage while Chuti was away. I mean I was confident that I had what it took to manage, but this cinched my confidence, made it more tangible.
The second adventure was the story I dangled in front of you when I started this story. In the RV park we are at, we decided to take their first timer deal which meant we paid ~$199 for the month instead of ~$900/month. Taking this deal means that we do not have a sewer connection. When Chuti was here, he drove the RV to the connection 200 m away and emptied our gray water (sinks and shower) and black water (toilet) tanks every 3 days. We thought about changing to a sewer location in our second month, but the spot we have gives us a lot of space around us and a lot of privacy. We get to run around and play and our area is much quieter. We decided to stay in our spot, the sewer issue was really a non-issue. When Chuti had to leave, he purchased a portable 18 gallon sewer on wheels, which one of our neighbors volunteered to use to empty our tanks. David was a great help, he did this every few days early in the morning and it was something I did not have to think about or worry about. Unfortunately or maybe fortunately for me, David and his wife left a few days ago. It was time for me to venture into the underworld of the SEWER… oooooooooooohhhh!!! Another neighbor offered to help me on my first time doing this. When David had emptied our tank, K had assisted one time and later told me that it was easy and that I was not to worry, he could do it himself. I hugged him and thanked him, but did not really believe that it could be so easy. With the neighbor’s help, we emptied the gray water and I was surprised to see that K had not been exaggerating, it was pretty straightforward. Then the obstacle came. Our black water was blocked. Since David left, I guess, we were trying to get our tank to last the longest and were probably stingy in the use of water. Between the solids and the toilet paper in the tank, there was a block. My neighbor Earl taught me how to flush the tank with a hose and I learned things I have never known before. Unfortunately, we had no luck. Armed with a local yellow pages, I called some plumbers. The one place I talked to told me that it would cost me at least $230 for a special truck to come to empty the tank, as well as the plumber’s fee. Our office gave me the number of a handy man, who does a lot of work around the RV park. I decided to try him out. Wyman Westfall was kind and efficient. He came, he saw, he conquered. So, problem solved. And it only cost me $35. Yes, you read that correctly, $35 not ~$350. What a deal, and with a great smile too. If you are in need of a great RV handyman in Bradenton Florida, call Wyman at 218-205-7514.
What was curious about these events (all I have had to do on my own since Chuti left) is that it has taught me a few things about myself. I have actually impressed myself, I can do this, I can succeed without Chuti here. See, this is the first time Chuti and I have been apart since we were married in 1998 (other than the odd few days here and there for business trips). I have come to realize that I had become dependent on him to do certain things like the sewer and other “manly things”. I’ve never been one of those ‘helpless females’, I’ve generally been independent, but in our partnership, there were just some things I never did. They just fell in his lap and he did them well, so I left it alone. Having to do these things myself has been good for me because it has challenged me to learn and come out of my box. I have come close to a point where I could almost say, dare I say, that I do not need Chuti any more. Oh, don’t look at me like that, I don’t need him (almost there, I haven’t tried to drive the RV yet, among a few other things 
), but I choose him and want him beside me. It is liberating not to be dependent, even in a small way.
Being apart, we have really missed each other. I know when he returns soon, we are planning to spend more time together alone. This is another benefit for this time apart. I look forward to the plans we have been discussing for us as a couple. We do go out now, but it is sporadic. We used to have at least a weekly date (which we had been completely committed to) when we were dating, so sporadic dates do not sit too well with us. Also, our trips alone have been sporadic as well. It is time to put into action what we know and say in our hearts, that our partnership is of utmost importance to us and needs to be treated as such. I look forward to a new path.
Good lessons in life to learn from and now you must pass this on to your daughters so they will be independent, know how to do what you call “manly” things and choose to be who they want to be with in the future. There are some definite culural impositions in your story that are interesting and a later discussion. I am off to China, India and the Philippines in a few weeks and should be back when you are back so we can discuss. cultural impositions then.
Good for you. You can do anything you want when you need to!
When we were in Ottawa, we became very creative as we didn’t have any family around. Many people marvel at me when I do things with the 3 kids and then I tell them about you and your four!
In regards to the ‘manly things’, sometimes, I just choose not to do it either. I know if I had to, I could and would, so you had to do it and you did! – “Go Girl”
BTW remember I drove a school bus (never thought that I would – had fun doing it), you can drive the RV!
I think it is so important that we teach all of our children to be independent. This goes for girls and boys alike because one gender typically does one set of activities while the other does another set. Like in a household where the woman cooks and the man fixes things. However, we are not always in equal relationships, or in relationships at all. There are times when we need to do everything for ourselves and it is important to teach our children how. If you teach him to cook and her to change a tire they will never be at the mercy of someone else – man or woman.
That said, it is extremely important to also teach our children that while we can be independent it does not mean we do not need someone else. A child needs their parents. A woman needs a man. A man needs a woman. Not because they can not exist without them, but because they cannot be complete without them.
Our society has made it very difficult for young woman because they either become dependent on the wrong men, or they shut themselves off from men – even if they are in a relationship. You wouldn’t want your daughter to become a Frog Farmer. Allison Armstrong is an excellent teacher on this subject. You can read a summary of one of her books on my blog at http://kyleedginton.com/2009/11/making-sense-of-me.